Psychic surgery might be a good option
You may have seen this but in one of his interviews, Bruce Lee drew on the difference between rivers and swamps as an analogy to describe two different kinds of people. There are those who resemble a flowing river that leads to the sea and those who simply remain stagnant throughout their lifetime. And if we reflect on this analogy, there is so much to be said about these two types of personalities in terms of their perspectives, their behavioural patterns, the way they deal with their emotions. The interesting thing is that unbeknown to him (he wasn’t a scholar), there was solid evidence-based data that supports the claims that Lee was inferring. The only difference is that he said it in a layman’s terms for everyone to understand!
To Bruce Lee, flow was the key. To us, it can be the solution. To you, it is the only path to growth. Let me explain…
Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build theory claims that the more positive emotions we experience, the wider our scope and the potential to be wiser and stronger against our challenges. But we need to consciously cultivate positive emotions, otherwise are allowing our negative emotions to narrow our scope and dwell on the pain until it destroys us. Imagine that you are experiencing issues at work, perhaps with your colleagues or at home with your family. What some might do is to dwell on the negative experience and continue to allow the negative emotions take hold. Some might isolate themselves to take themselves out of the context, others might turn to drugs or alcohol or resort to unethical behaviour altogether.
What they don’t realise is that they are tightening the channel through which their positive emotions flow, sometimes to the extent that the channel gets completely clogged with negative emotions altogether. That’s why they withdraw themselves. In fact, what’s happening is that you are spending so much thinking about what has put you in that negative state that you overlook the fact that you, yourself, are the reason you are hurting and that you, yourself, are the key to getting yourself out of that pit. How? Find your flow. How? Like this:
1. Take up an activity that engages you: the activity of your choice has to be one that is relatively new to you and something you think you might be good at. The first time you do this, it will be tough because your negative emotions will have affected your creativity so you will find it hard to come up with the ideas but that is the beginning of the process. You might also feel that you can’t take your mind off the adversity you are dealing with at the time but it is worth persevering. Make sure it’s not too difficult or challenging and not too easy and dull. This can help you zone in with the activity. Often it helps to choose something that is goal oriented, something that would need reasonable amount of concentration and something that would keep you engaged for a reasonable amount of time.
2. Record your thoughts and emotions (the before, during and the after). It’s important that you write them down.
3. Every now and then, read your journal and recall the positive emotions you felt at the time.
4. Think of ways you might be able to create those positive emotions again. Do this as regularly as you can.
After some time, you might find that you are feeling slightly better because you have probably unclogged the channel that carries the negative emotions to some extent. You are more aware of the process that allowed those positive emotions in. You are more in touch with yourself and the world around you can’t hurt you as much because you are able to see that you are stronger, you are in control, and you have all the mental and emotional tools that you need. You might even come to realise very quickly that all those times you thought that the world around you was the cause of your distress or pain, it was because you were actually allowing it to be.
Now, don’t get me wrong. You will never be rid of negative emotions altogether because some of those emotions are actually working for you rather than against you, like fear or shame, and you have to let them do their job. Lack of fear or shame can be as bad as having too much of it. If people didn’t feel fear, we would all be extinct by now. If we didn’t feel shame, crime level would skyrocket, we would live in a very unjust society, and where fear would dominate all other emotions. But by accepting that some of those negative emotions are actually good for you, you are one step closer to widening your scope, allowing positive emotions in, and engaging in activities that create that emotional and mental flow, just like the river. Afterall, how could people possibly know what positive emotions are if they didn’t experience negative ones.
